Why I’m owning it. All of it.
I’ve been a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for almost two and a half years. In the beginning of my motherhood journey, I used to lie and tell people I was a “freelancer” because I was embarrassed about being a full-time caregiver. I felt like I wouldn’t be a “good feminist” if I didn’t have a successful career.
As time has gone on my relationship to being a full-time mom has shifted. Sure - I’ve worked on other projects part-time and even directed, edited, produced, and co-wrote Year One about my experience with postpartum depression and first year of motherhood. But through it all, being a mother was always at the top of my resume. Not because it’s all that I am- but because it’s actually what I do every day.
I uncovered another layer of my relationship to being a SAHM when I listened to The Deep Dive Podcast, hosted by June Diane Raphael and Jessica St. Clair. During the podcast, June and Jessica talked about the unseen labor of caretakers and how patriarchy often overlooks the value and work of women. They also noted how rebelling against that narrative and finding joy in it is actually an act of resistance. This resonated with me deeply and it shifted the way I viewed my own work.
Our country’s #hustleharder economy certainly isn’t interested in holding space for the expertise, patience, strength and endurance of a full-time caregiver. I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I don’t have a “real job.” I’m supposed to feel shame about my role as a mom, make myself small, call myself a “freelancer” on the playground because doing anything “work”-related (ie. at a company for money) would certainly be more “valuable” than being a SAHM.
But the truth is- I’m proud of it. I’m proud of the exhaustion, the long nights, the intoxicating giggles of my little girl, her tantrums, her weird sleep schedule, all of it. It’s harder than anything I’ve ever done and in it’s own way, is more rewarding than anything I’ll ever do.
So I’m making a pact with myself to own all of it. The label, the process, the WORK. And sharing the joy of it is going to be part of my resistance. Because it’s certainly enough, and so am I.
Xx,
Erin
Written by Erin Bagwell
Copy edited by Diana Matthews